Now I just need to practice on myself. Stabbing the fake skin this morning with some of the needles makes me think that the skin is crap. … I’ll buy some bananas tonight I guess. I gotta get the bread maker working for me now anyways. I’ve put off food shopping for too long.
So the whole banana thing... very interesting. I get it. I totally get it! This weekend I’ll get an assortment of needles to practice with. I am so almost ready to begin tattooing people.
July 16
Busted out my tattoo tools and just laid some ink down on some fake skin. That stuff was pretty crappy. But the marks and patterns I was making, it’s just stippling. Adding more juice makes tighter stippling. It’s like an electric paintbrush. I’ll need some real skin soon. I don’t think I need to waste too much time on bananas or fruits or pig skin. I’ve been drawing for 20 years, painting for almost 15. I’ve put my time into technique. What I really need it tool tutorials.
God, I want to conquer the fucking world right now. Not be famous, but be unmatched in my own little teeny tiny piece of the universe. I can do this, I’m pretty damn sure of it now.
Of course, anyone that knows me knows that when I’m into something new, I don’t stop ‘till I understand my interest almost fully. This is no exception. This is art with a machine. I like art, I like machines, now art with machines??
July 15
So musing on tattoos. When I see it done (lots of crap out there) well, I understand the physical ability to do it. It’s like I’m being reminded of how to do it again. At least that’s how it feels now. This week will be all about putting the machines to use, not on people, but just feeling the things in my hand and the marks they make.
July 14
The day began as usual. Replied to email, did a few errands, blah, blah, blah. Completed Silent Hill: Homecoming. Easier than I thought it would be.
On my drive to get the tattoo I was thinking about art and shit. I think what I have is very low self esteem. I don’t do terribly well with compliments. The more I know and trust certain people, I have to believe what they say, otherwise compliments are usually compliments without much weight. I think that is why I take so much time to begin paintings. I have this doubt about making them, when really I can do it or pull off a strange composition and make it work at the end. Not until I begin a painting or drawing the doubt kinda fades and it’s replaced with a singular goal of “just finish it”. The whole process of tattooing seems to be the same. Tattoos are just another media, like watercolor, oil, or acrylic. The most important part is the artist side of things. Anyone can draw from a copy, but can you draw from nothing and use the tools? I can draw from nothing and the tools are learnable.
I had this strange burst of something yesterday. This voice in my head was telling me to take the art as far as it will go. I can do this. Be my own person and do what I was supposed to do. Make my damn stupid pictures and survive on skill, it’s a realistic possibility and is worth pursuing. I’m not meant to work for the man, I’m meant to work for myself. I can’t fall into the trap of feeling needed or wanted at work because lets face it, you and I are replaceable at any paid task we’re to complete. We can’t replace who we are though. Who am I, well, I don’t know yet, but I can do more than I’ve allowed myself to do all these years.
I don’t want to work for anyone anymore. I want to travel, actually see the world in person. Drop everything and just do stuff on a whim. My job won’t allow for that though. I think tattoos will compliment that ability though. At the very least it’s another skill in my bag of useless tricks that might actually be useful to me. Fuck it. Let’s do this. I’m ready now.
July 13
Did a little bit in the studio, mostly just looked at stuff and moved the easel. These ideas for paintings are burning in my head now, but I think I’m not doing them on purpose. I don’t want to stretch any canvas for them. I just want to make them, not even draw anything out. I should draw a bit just to see what is in my head. And yet, I don’t even want to begin the process of making any of them. It’s the initial dread of this unknown content. It’s strange, I want to make them but my body isn’t letting it happen, or maybe it’s the other way around? I’ve promised myself that once this portrait is done, then I can do my series.
Other than that, played a bit more of Silent Hill: Homecoming. I’ve made some quick progress in that game. In a way I’m playing it to finish it now. The game, or rather all games just doesn’t bring back the old feelings. Come to think of it now, games were an escape for me. It took my mind of the present. Now I can’t stop thinking about the present and that I’m wasting my time. But I think playing a good video game every now and then is okay. My game standards are very high now. I’m old school anyways, where the good old days were Mega Man 2, Blaster Master, 2 player Rescue Rangers, Ninja Gaiden, the Castlevania series... They just don’t make them like they used to.
Had a hot day in the morning and by noon there was some rain. And it rained alright... Thunder and mother fucking lightning. My poor motorcycle, she was just taking that wet beating. I was reminded that it hails out here... so maybe I have to buy a cover for it.
July 12
I must be the most boring person in the world. Sure as hell feels that way sometimes. If there were a gear in my ass, I’d kick it.
Talking to A about the process of creating and making a painting, I said what was really on my mind. Just took a little alcohol to say it (one of those WTF kinda things I was saying). I hate making paintings. I have to think about what it is that I’m doing, plan out things as I go along, try not to fail so hard when I’m in the process. I don’t like painting in some ways. The set up, clean up, and just wondering what the hell I’m trying to do. It’s frustrating. I think the only way for me to make any content that is worth making is to not think about it any more. Really for the first time in my life, I feel that I can make and enjoy a series of paintings that not only I but others will get something out of. And, I might be able to really crank these things out. The only problem now is where do I store them?? I’ll probably just do them flat against the wall. I can’t be dragging paintings around with me every time I move. They sometimes get damaged and I am tired of dragging them around. I’m so tired of it. I might just have to put them up for trades or something.
I might go into more detail about my process of making pictures, but so far this is a bit different. If it crosses my mind in the future, then I’ll address it.
July 14
The day began as usual. Replied to email, did a few errands, blah, blah, blah. Completed Silent Hill: Homecoming. Easier than I thought it would be.
On my drive to get the tattoo I was thinking about art and shit. I think what I have is very low self esteem. I don’t do terribly well with compliments. The more I know and trust certain people, I have to believe what they say, otherwise compliments are usually compliments without much weight. I think that is why I take so much time to begin paintings. I have this doubt about making them, when really I can do it or pull off a strange composition and make it work at the end. Not until I begin a painting or drawing the doubt kinda fades and it’s replaced with a singular goal of “just finish it”. The whole process of tattooing seems to be the same. Tattoos are just another media, like watercolor, oil, or acrylic. The most important part is the artist side of things. Anyone can draw from a copy, but can you draw from nothing and use the tools? I can draw from nothing and the tools are learnable.
I had this strange burst of something yesterday. This voice in my head was telling me to take the art as far as it will go. I can do this. Be my own person and do what I was supposed to do. Make my damn stupid pictures and survive on skill, it’s a realistic possibility and is worth pursuing. I’m not meant to work for the man, I’m meant to work for myself. I can’t fall into the trap of feeling needed or wanted at work because lets face it, you and I are replaceable at any paid task we’re to complete. We can’t replace who we are though. Who am I, well, I don’t know yet, but I can do more than I’ve allowed myself to do all these years.
I don’t want to work for anyone anymore. I want to travel, actually see the world in person. Drop everything and just do stuff on a whim. My job won’t allow for that though. I think tattoos will compliment that ability though. At the very least it’s another skill in my bag of useless tricks that might actually be useful to me. Fuck it. Let’s do this. I’m ready now.
July 13
Did a little bit in the studio, mostly just looked at stuff and moved the easel. These ideas for paintings are burning in my head now, but I think I’m not doing them on purpose. I don’t want to stretch any canvas for them. I just want to make them, not even draw anything out. I should draw a bit just to see what is in my head. And yet, I don’t even want to begin the process of making any of them. It’s the initial dread of this unknown content. It’s strange, I want to make them but my body isn’t letting it happen, or maybe it’s the other way around? I’ve promised myself that once this portrait is done, then I can do my series.
Other than that, played a bit more of Silent Hill: Homecoming. I’ve made some quick progress in that game. In a way I’m playing it to finish it now. The game, or rather all games just doesn’t bring back the old feelings. Come to think of it now, games were an escape for me. It took my mind of the present. Now I can’t stop thinking about the present and that I’m wasting my time. But I think playing a good video game every now and then is okay. My game standards are very high now. I’m old school anyways, where the good old days were Mega Man 2, Blaster Master, 2 player Rescue Rangers, Ninja Gaiden, the Castlevania series... They just don’t make them like they used to.
Had a hot day in the morning and by noon there was some rain. And it rained alright... Thunder and mother fucking lightning. My poor motorcycle, she was just taking that wet beating. I was reminded that it hails out here... so maybe I have to buy a cover for it.
July 12
I must be the most boring person in the world. Sure as hell feels that way sometimes. If there were a gear in my ass, I’d kick it.
Talking to A about the process of creating and making a painting, I said what was really on my mind. Just took a little alcohol to say it (one of those WTF kinda things I was saying). I hate making paintings. I have to think about what it is that I’m doing, plan out things as I go along, try not to fail so hard when I’m in the process. I don’t like painting in some ways. The set up, clean up, and just wondering what the hell I’m trying to do. It’s frustrating. I think the only way for me to make any content that is worth making is to not think about it any more. Really for the first time in my life, I feel that I can make and enjoy a series of paintings that not only I but others will get something out of. And, I might be able to really crank these things out. The only problem now is where do I store them?? I’ll probably just do them flat against the wall. I can’t be dragging paintings around with me every time I move. They sometimes get damaged and I am tired of dragging them around. I’m so tired of it. I might just have to put them up for trades or something.
I might go into more detail about my process of making pictures, but so far this is a bit different. If it crosses my mind in the future, then I’ll address it.
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