Avoidant Personality Disorder?

July 24

I know I have anxiety issues never fully diagnosed I should mention. I’m rather positive of that. There was a bit of therapy or something a long time ago but I didn’t quite know what I should have been doing or saying. I was given questions and I would respond. This was in high school so not really in the immediate past. I’m all for researching things, but I’m both scared and maybe a bit more enlightened by what I’m learning. No, actually kinda bummed.

So reading into what “anxiety” is, I do have a lot of the symptoms of anxiety disorders. So I’m just one of 40 million people that have it. Okay, no big deal right? It’s normal to be abnormal. But what’s this about Generalized Personality Disorder? Some of this is getting personal... But with 6.8 million adults that experience this, alright, so it’s a passing thing. Now wait just a minute. Avoidant Personality Disorder you say?? Oh my god Mr. or Miss article, you are scaring me a bit. So all your signs and symptoms, yes, you must be talking about me.

What you say:

Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism.
One of those yes, applies to me.

Self-imposed social isolation.
I think the above illustrates why.

Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships.
I wouldn’t say I’m shy, maybe just anxious in social situations yes. Strong desire for close friendships, yes.

Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus.
No, not me at all.

Feelings of inadequacy.
Yes, my whole life I think...

Severe low self-esteem.
What do YOU define as severe?

Self-loathing.
Maybe sometimes, but don’t we all go through it? But YOU don’t let it stop you do you? or do you?

Mistrust of others.
Total strangers, sure, but I give them the benefit of the doubt.

Emotional distancing related to intimacy.
Of the 4 main types of psychological boundaries I would say I’m “Flexible”. I just need to know someone for a while and then I feel as though I can share. Normally I’m just a sarcastic ass and if you can put up with that, you’re okay by me.

Highly self-conscious.
Maybe just a little bit. Little bit.

Self-critical about their problems relating to others.
I don’t know.

Problems in occupational functioning.
I don’t know...

Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful.
I often think why people would want to be friends with me. I might need to cry now or something but that won’t make anything better.

Feeling inferior to others.
Yes, I wish to any God in the sky I can be like other people. People I know, or at least I know well enough, they can do things with ease that I wish would be natural to me.

In some more extreme cases — agoraphobia
No, not me. Crowds I find to be uncomfortable if I’m alone.

Utilizes fantasy as a form of escapism and to interrupt painful thoughts.
Does making art stuff count because all I think about is problems when I’m painting or drawing by myself.

And now a word from my sponsor:

“Specifically, various anxiety disorders in childhood and adolescence have been associated with a temperament characterized by behavioral inhibition, including features of being shy, fearful, and withdrawn in new situations. These inherited characteristics may give an individual a genetic predisposition towards AvPD. Childhood emotional neglect and peer group rejection are both associated with an increased risk for the development of AvPD.”

And according to Millon's subtypes, my closest assessment has me at “conflicted”.  The other descriptions are just a bit way off the mark for me.

Well, shit. I don’t know what to say or think. I’m not gonna go over the details of my childhood, this isn’t the forum to do so. What do I do? What? Do I go to the library and get all the self help books they have? I don’t know. At this moment I don’t know. What do I do? Do I fix this? More importantly how do I fix this. I can fix most anything so does myself count? 

 Well, I think I have an idea for the next composition, what avoidant personality disorder feels like. Now how do visualize it? No, I’ll think about that later! I have this news to contemplate on for a little while.